It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize