found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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