he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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