The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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