I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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