Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
