Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
