meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
