how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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