is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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