Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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