Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
