You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
