did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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