I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
