she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
