i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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