Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
