You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
