I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
