Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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