Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
