My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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