and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
