hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
