My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
