i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
