and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
