She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
being pregnant is like rehab
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
