I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
