So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
