the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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