A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize