apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
