My girlfriend figured out who you are.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
