oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
