My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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