I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
