Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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