so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
