Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
