Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
