a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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