She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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