I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
