she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
