My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
