i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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