Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
