Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
