you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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