I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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