And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize