Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
