It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
