I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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