Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...