you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
