Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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