I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in