My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
