What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
