meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
