Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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