your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
