dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
