So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
