She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
