My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
