i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
