dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
