Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
