I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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