I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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