i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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