Don't you send me to vm
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
